n the middle..

my life is so unpredictable...years ago..I was thinking to settle down..
found a good looking woman..(thick)..had a long relationship..(thick)..but whenever it come to commitment..all the dream falling apart..

commitment need a full attention..and currently..my commitment is to focus on my career..
and that is my priority now...I had choose the path..and I can't complaint now..have to live with it..

but in the middle..

sometimes I wonder what if I not choose this road..what if I work in different level..what if I not a hotelier..so many what if..but what if I was chose to choose and my chosen was a wrong one!

so in the middle..they say..dilemma..crisis..thought..life..
crisis..what crisis?..perhaps it's middle life crisis..
perhaps there's no crisis if I had settle down years ago..
perhaps there's no dilemma if I had choose my life accordingly..
perhaps there's no what if if I had live my life..

back to the middle..I can only just wish..
wish I was not in disturbed..
wish I was not in substance abused..
wish I was not drinking..
wish I was not smoking..
wish I was not overdose.......years ago!

in the middle..

to be continued

Back for good..

Welcome back to all..readers who waiting for the next issue...it's been a while since I write here..and I really wish I have something to share about..

This month of August is a Ramadhan month.. for Muslim like me..it's all about not having a meal from dusk till dawn..no liquid no food..it's all about fasting..

It's tough for a hotelier especially those who working in the restaurant..the aroma of the chicken curry during breakfast time was enough to tempting your spirit..and the smell of fresh orange was enough to make you thirst..that was only a first hour of fasting period..imagine the rest eleven hours..so those who can survive the first day are not guarantee to survive the next day..here come the c.o.b.a.a.n..like a Tan Sri P. Ramlee's one of classic movie..Pendekar Bujang Lapok..coming the second week..you'll see a lot of so call fasting people..will quietly dissappear..based on my experience..it takes two to tango..and it takes three to poison your willing..but anyway..I guess those who completed the fasting for whole month must be rewarded with Raya leave or something..once I fulfill the holy month but yet I still celebrated Raya at Sudu kitchen with all the not-get-leave-for-Raya team members..

This year in the wine team..I had been guarantee a Raya holidays..and I really appreciate it..although my favourite nephews and niece are all celebrating Raya at India..but I'm sure Nabil, Aidil and Farzana will always remember their uncles and aunties..not to forget Little Miss Jada Kyra who will spark my Raya mood with her laugh and smile..wish she can start walking during Raya..but even I don't mind carry her all the time..

So in this oppurtunity..I wish all my Muslim readers..a happy fasting month and hope your Ramadhan Al-Mubarak will be a good month..insyaallah..

Last but not least..don't forget to watch my singer-songwriter's sister Ana Raffali at 8tv during Raya..she composed a new Raya song..which I don't like it at the first time..if possible..
Selamat Berpuasa..

Special edition..the 50th issues..

Dear readers..

it's been a while since I wrote to my blog..and coincidently this is the 50th edition and it's quite an achievement for me..and hopefully it will going on strong until another 50..and so on..

for this special edition..I guess it is proper to flashback what move me to start blogging..at the first place..it all started as an experimental yet it became as a hobby and one of the ways to interact in this cyberworld..I admit I was not into this seriously..but time passing by..it was like an education..I am still learning..everyday..

for this special edition..perhaps it will be okay if I do a little bit of introduction about myself..I am a hotelier working in one of the leading hotel in Kuala Lumpur..I am in the F&B outlets and currently work as a wine agent..for people who know nothing about wine..wine is like an adult fruit juice..and my job is to convinced and offered the good wine for the guests..gave some advise about the choice of wine pairing with their dishes..something like what goes well with cod fish..a nice glass of sauvignon blanc..just to give an easy example..perhaps this is probably a dream job for me..I want to go further in this industry and learn every aspects about wine making and tasting..and I am living a dream becoming a wine sommelier one day..

and for this special edition..perhaps it is relevant to write what is behind the title still or sparkling..well the words spontaneously uttered as a question of what was the choices of your prefered mineral water..and when the right after guests were seated..the server will pop out that question..and it gave me a goosebump..

well..thanks for all the visitors who just maybe accidently open this blog..and to all fellow bloggers and readers..thanks for all your supports and comments..and keep on blogging in this free world..

for another 50 issues..congrats to Harris Raffali for creating the ideas..well honestly it still in need of new developments and rooms for improvements..for any suggestion you can email me at harrisraffali@gmail.com or add me in the facebook..

salute!

My Sacrifies..

Yesterday was damn quiet in all fronts..peoples seem to went outside KL for this Labour holidays..

The business was usually busy on Friday night at Vintage Bank..but tonight surprisingly..only two wine by the glass sold..a bit worrying to start the month..if this continues..I can imagine a below RM300 a point for month of May..the rooms not help it either..25 percent room occupancy..seriously..this month probably not the month to spend..maybe they just paid to IRS last month a handsome amount of money for the income tax..damn..

The month of May will be a good month to improve my knowledge about wines..I had been assigned to assist on the wine storage and 8th floor..it was a tough duty..involve my strenght and muscles..the new shipment will be arriving on June..thousands bottles of wines..and my two hands..imagine that!

I have to admit..my life change drastically..sometimes I wonder if I make a right call to join this wonderful wine team..then I realized this is the sacrifies that I have to take..I have made it at the restaurant before and it was about time I took up the challenges and stop blaiming and complaining..

My concern is do I have a time for my own little private life?

To be continued...

silence..

Sorry guys..this past month really took me out of hand..

I really appreciate the support you gave to me..
and I hoping I can continue contribute a story or anything in my head..

I just wish I have enough time for my blog update..
and I hope to write about my new experiences..
about this adult fruit juices when the time is right..

Salute!

All that I leave behind..

These days seem running in slow motion..for a couple of week..I was occupied with all the wine academy and wine tasting..with the operation of restaurant..and some potensial sales report to explained..my life quite busy at work, right now..

Coming to the wine team changed all my perception about life as a sommelier..

Years ago..when I joined Lafite..I never thought I will had the experiences with someone else other then my first mentor..but it seem now I will learn a great new environment, totally different from Lafite..now it's more into business orientation minded and I am lucky, I guess, to be part of that..

When the offer came last year..I don't take too much thought about the pros and cons..and I knew if I don't take it..it will haunting me back..it was an offer that I can't refuse..so I took up the challenges and leave behind all my negatives thinking aside..

I like what I doing right now..although it is hard to catch up with the rest of team members..but they taught me to become independent..we are a small team of six team members..but we have a mission..the goal is to achieve our monthly sales target..and I want to get more involve on that..

I can't look back anymore..I need to be in full commitment..and set my own target..I have to read more about wine..I bought the book "Windows of the World"..and it's like a bible of wine..so said my boss..hope it will help me on the Q&A given..I just need to getting started..refresh my mind..forget all the boozes..and leave behind all the good, the bad and the ugly memories..because my new life have just begun..

..to be continued

It's been like a rollercoaster ride..

Finally I realizes that this past few days I was in denial..I thought I can make it right..but I was wrong..and now I am ready to accept the consequences..

I have to move on..I have to face the fact that all this time I was blind in choosing my direction..there's no way I can make this affair goes smoothly..

It's been like a rollercoaster ride..and I ready to give it up..because I felt sick and freaking tired..of all surrounding bullshit..and I can feel that this ride going nowhere..

Before it's too late to turning back..I have to stop it before it getting out of hand..the burden in my hand..and I was miserable all the time..I can't pretend to have a hundred percent fun..no more lies..no more dramas..no more acts..because everything seem fade to black now..

This is probably the last time I will write about my curse in love..this is not supposed to be a love blog..damn..enough already..

The End..

How to burn the bridge that made out of steel..?

Dear all, quite interesting that this blog been read by you guys..and I think it's cool and I appreciate your thoughts and comments..

It makes me feel obliged to writes again..I know in public eyes, life as a hotelier not quite interesting and sometimes boring..we did eight hours and we left..like anyone else..but the truth is a hotelier is much like an actor in the theater play..Lafite Restaurant taught me everything that I need to know in my early career..thanks to my sifu Huza Radzi, who gave me a bittersweet lessons..

As an actor in the hotel..one need to look for appearances..looks..and attitudes..someone need to be a supporting actor to make the play well rehearsed..and let the crowds or the paying guests satisfied ..and the main actor like me should spice up a little bit of drama..magical and character..to overcome the unsatisfaction crowds..

Everyday is a different crowd..and just like in a theater..we can't get away with our nerves and fears..and yes, it always happen and we had that moments but we shall not prolonged it for another day..or the play will getting hated and bored..and how about the romance?..the romance in our play not exactly like in the theater..yes we can show a little bit passions and loves..but in a friendly kind of ways..

And why all of this acting got to do with the title?

Don't get confused with the title..and yes it's nothing to do with the title..but this is my way to get your attention, right?

I know in this past few articles..it shown that I was so down with love.. heart broken..depressed.. and angered..and I think a lot about toughcookie written to my comments the other day and it wake me up, actually..and I guess I was wrongly decided to end without consulting and meet her..it was a rush choice without checking the consequences on her part..so I made up my mind and set for an evening dinner yesterday.. after nine days of hates and despairs we met again and chats..

It turns out that she was confused with her life and she want out..she want to go single-non-attached and be friend with everyone she met aka freedom..so far I was listening to her side of story..of how ungrateful I was towards her..of how her tolerance toward me was not really been appreciated..of how my smssed that other night hurts her feeling and she was devastated and cried because of my hated words..

And what's my reactions?..what's my defenses?..what's my story to get away from all of this?..


to be continue..

A new chapter..but same old one..

The lifestyle of hoteliers were sometimes quite amazing..during working hours and after the shifts were totally different things..

Whenever at the premises of any hotel..hoteliers had a boundaries..a guidelines to follow and obey..standard of procedures to maintain the performances..and we live by rules and regulations..and to neglect any of this was like you threw the sand inside your rice cooker..that will be disaster..but surely everybody knew that..it is written..

What is so amazing about our lifestyle after works?..well to start with..one must have a connection..someone that had a influence in every details..a connection doesn't necessary need some money..most of the time..a connection need a good friendship..remember, this is all business..and when this oppurtunities arised.. hotelliers need to be friendly and charmed to everyone..and that were not only at the hotel to be precised but also at other places as well..but of course everybody know that..

The lifestyle after works is individual needs..perhaps for the old bachelor and now single and available guy like myself..I spent my quality time after works mostly on clubs and bars with my usual entourages ..it is important to stick with a small crew of two or three friends..you don't wanna look like a troublemakers or worse..as a hotellier..you will definitely meet other hotelliers as well..

Last week my good friend of mine said that "we are like God at Centro"..yeah right!..after I got him the corkage prize of RM100 for a liter of Chivas..he owed me for that..and this two hot ladies on our sides..we dances, we drinks, we smokes all night long..like the kings of a night..

What a night..a night that was the beginning of the end of an affair..how can I forget that moments..even the eight miss calls couldn't get me off the club..until it closed..damn..and I still can managed to walk alone to the coffee shop..watched my team Manchester United put three goals past Fulham's goalkeeper..and that was not even the end of the glory night..or the morning for whoever start working early..

I can miss that lifestyle after works..of course..
I'm sober for six day now..not a record yet..and I intend to start reading the book that she gave me on my birthday..at least it will help to motivate me..

Because I knew it then and I knew it now..that no girl wanna love a drunken master ..well that's her statement actually..anyway like I care..perhaps the recent break off is my ace of spade..my eight balls..my call to change after all..

The United States of America's new President, Barack Obama..who now famous quote is "we can change"..and to be a half American myself..that's another story..this is a hint and sign to start a new chapter..

We will see about that..

...to be continue

Ode to my chosen one..

And what did I told you..
What did I told you..

Yeah..I been warned..and yet I still get caught in the act..I admits this time it look like no answer and solution..and I was judged and punished without my corcern..

It's like I don't have any say about this relationship and my words was not worth any cents..

Why can't she heard my side of story..of how my lacks of the not-so-user-friendly-yet PDA had jeopardise my ability to answered her eight miss calls..

of how my being with friends could also been the factor..it was not like I done it on purpose..

and how my apologized was been replaced with hated and angered..and what's about her..she think she was a Cindarella..

Come to my senses..I know the time will come..but I don't expect it to happen in this near time..the time when I felt bad and sad to bid farewell to my precious nephews who'd leaving to India for three years..the time when I really need a friend to talk to..and who was selfish now?

Arguing with you was such a waste of time..and if you really want this to end..then so long..farewell to you as well..and this time like you warned me before..is for real..and I can live with or without you..

Once in this life..I thought I got the chosen one..but lucky me..now I can go hunting again..

Confession..

I need to clear the air about one thing..my status..It's seem that 'in relationship' status took a lot on my time with someone..I have to be in touch..connected..and act like a couple..it's a bit strange and unusual for me..It's been a while since I have a real girlfriend..if you know what I mean..

A real girlfriend..the one who can live with you in the happy and sorrow time..the one who can give a full attention and respect your freedom..the one who can ignore the past and carry on with present life..the one who can give a support and encourage you to be better man..the one who can lie to be honest..the one who can keep the secret between each other..

The one who is a lovely, a beautiful, a charming and a princess in heart and soul..

What a definition..the fact is I found that in someone already..but the truth is I afraid to fail the relationship again..I been warned in the past that you have to be open and wise..yeah, I guess I am more wiser now..more wiser to know the fact that nothing actually happen until you pop the question.."Do you want to marry me?''

Until it happen..that I know it depends and need my full focus and attention..I will keep and prolong this relationship until the sign is there..or until I get dump!

And I just been warned..

How to get from where you are to where you want to be.....

It seem weird this day..someone plant this idea in my head..and suddenly it become stuck inside my mind....and I try to google who is the person that had this idea..and coincidently..the message was a book title by the same name....and I get this book as a present for my birthday..is it coincident now..or I'd been tag?

I'm not have a time to sit down and read the book yet..it's been a while since I finished my last reading..a novel by Mario Puzo's The Godfather..that was back in 2004..Oh..God..almost five years..most of the time I only read the book half way..and sometime I not read at all..just bought it for the fun of pleasure..

But this time is different..since the word became a motivation enough for me..thanks for the gift..I will read it..and try to comment about it on my next post..

I just hope the book not dusty when I finished it..

All about a letter c...with the Capital..

A few words begin with a letter C that soon becoming a burden in my hands...

Commitment....depends on time, energy and space..

I need to give a full commitment to a person I love..that is why I scare to commit.. I don't have enough time for her..as a hotellier, eight hours on shift never been enough..I still have to do extra hours that sad to say..never counted as overtime..and after long hours work..I can't have a full energy to meet her..I will become jaged and tired..and to erased that I want to have some space for myself..this is when 'happy hours' was important to energizes my spirit..and it already damaged my pocket..

Committed....on what you love to do..

Working in hospitality industry..I already commited to my jobs, work place, team members and management..so how is it possible to make more on my love life..since it will divide my full attention on already hectic schedule?..

Career....on long term planning..

After more than four years in the same outlet..it's time to move on..and when that happen..
I need to be ready..I already in the Wine Team now..the job that required me more reading, learning and understood wine to do the talking and upselling..and for the long term plan..becoming a wine sommelier will be a great prospect for my future..that's my goal in two years time.. and to have someone that share my dream will be great..but am I willing to sacrify all that just because she can't ?

C.I.N.T.A....like an X.P.D.C. once popular kindergarden song..

C..Cinta ku yang satu..
I..Impian yang nyata..
N..Nikmat yang berbeda..
T..Tanpa pengertian..
A..Antara kau-aku..

Lost in translation?
My love one..
the dream is real..
the satisfaction was different..
without explanation..
between you and me..

to be continue..

Living a dream..

Dear all..

I know it's hard to begin the story without the script..it's a main subject..and it's important to have a good story to begin the new year..
But my story so far began with a sad note..that I lost my SonyEricsson K810I..in the new year morning..I just used it for about 8 months and suddenly it feels like my whole life turn upside down....It feel like the world was collapsed..and I been struck by lightning and no one knew nothing about it..totally chaos..and the worst part..my brother also lost his Nokia N95 on the same week...and he really love that phone..he won it on the contest that brought him and Ana to Rome for 8 days..Poor Khalil..Good Luck on AF7 tomorrow!
It's back with a reality check..that without a phone you can still enjoy life..alone!